Is he some unbelievable villain, the likes of which we’ve never seen? No.
An armored truck delivering gold was parked on the street unloading its goods. The incredibly-trained security officer realized he didn’t have his cell phone on him and went to the front of the truck to retrieve it. (At least he didn’t leave his gun!) In the meantime, a man passed by and grabbed a bucket off the truck and made a run for it. The bucket was full of golden flakes, and weighed eighty-six pounds!
Now, being a seasoned criminal, I’m sure he had his getaway car right nearby to make off with his prize right? No. He ran for over an hour… and what should have taken ten minutes to run took him that long because of the weight of the gold. In that entire hour he was not caught and proceeded to get into his van (great choice for a getaway car, super fast) and drive off.
I just wanna know what the guy who was guarding the truck thought when he came back from getting his phone. It probably didn’t take very long to get it—did he see the guy running off? He probably did but decided he’d gotten into enough trouble leaving the gold unattended the first time, so he’d better not do it again. I assume he called the cops at least.
“Hello, 911, this is Brinks calling. A man is slowly making off with a bucket of gold on Edison Street, please send back up.” I guess the operator thought it was a joke, otherwise the cops really should stop eating so many donuts if they couldn’t manage to chase this guy down. (Or maybe there was another guy going for a run with a huge bucket, and they caught the wrong guy.)
Either way, the guy made off with the money. I think his villain name should be “The Turtle.”
The police are assuming the thief had no idea what was in the bucket. Boy, is he in for a surprise. “Flakes?! What am I gonna do with two million flakes?” He’s not really gonna be able to go into his nearby gold-pawning shop with two million flakes and not arouse suspicion. Maybe he’ll try to buy his groceries with the gold. “OK, I’ll give you five golden flakes for a box of cornflakes.”
Really, I think he did know what was in the bucket, and I think I even know his motive. He probably forgot his wife’s birthday and didn’t get her anything, and obviously had to make amends for his mistake. At this point he did what any logical man would do; rob the Brinks truck. It’s a win-win situation. If he makes off with the gold he’s got enough of it to make his wife happy forever, and if he gets caught and goes to jail — well, that’s way safer for him then being at home with his wife right now.
In the meantime our mastermind is still on the loose, so if you see a very tired man lugging a bucket, or a very happy wife with a lot of jewelry — please contact the local authorities.